There has been no helicopter lift out of the Sequoia National Forest, at least one not involving me. We did lose power earlier in the week and have had snow and black ice on the roads but we did manage to get out yesterday and are in civilization now. It turns out that the process will be much less dramatic and likely a little less satisfying.
I am out of time. Last baby was a c-section for breech and I am going to probably the most liberal practice in a four-hour drive from our house. They do VBACS, sort of. If I came in well progressed, I’d probably be good-to-go. I figured that would happen by now, but these two weeks of pre-labor symptoms have done squat. I’m starting the 41st week now, not really past due, but I have climbing blood pressure and it’s hard to know if I am doing it to myself (as I have before) over not having had the baby yet or whether I would end up with a surprise at the end of all of this that it wasn’t in my head after all. There are other issues as well that have piled up and are making us all think that a section is not necessary but probably prudent.
We’ve been negotiating dates of the section and the latest was this Saturday. It seems that everyone wants a baby before Christmas and the hospital has women lined up back-to-belly in the days before Christmas this coming week. Once I agreed to Saturday I began to plan for the c-section complications that can arise and realized that our care providers won’t necessarily be around on Saturday. Frederick was in the NICU, for instance, and was treated by our regular pediatrician. I get concerned that the weekend before Christmas will leave us with a call group full of interns.
All that is background to say that I am marching in, like a lamb to slaughter, today. I am not happy about it but we are trying to manage the whole package of potential problems, not just creating the best birth situation (at least this is what my people are telling me). We have a pretty good team and can reduce a lot of problems we’ve had before and some new ones as well. Having a baby is such an exercise in faith that I certainly know we can’t plan for everything. I try to keep those “what ifs” out of my mind. (If you comment here that I should refuse the section, you’re too late. I’m in pre-op in 90 minutes.)
I’ve done a c-section before and have a goody bag packed for the experience. I remember being so hungry after the section that I would devour anything at all they brought into my room. The day of the section it’s all liquid which means Jello and juice for the most part. You surely wouldn’t want to nourish someone who just created a new life. Mom is bringing a thermos full of warm beef broth and I have fresh pomegranate juice. I have some high-powered probiotics as well to off-set the broad-spectrum antibiotics.
The whole pregnancy process and frankly parenting itself is an exercise in faith and I shouldn’t be surprised that this particular critical moment comes down to faith as well. There are far too many bad outcomes in this business. We have no choice but to have faith in a good one which is what I am trying very hard to do.
I’ll leave all of this with a picture. This is evidence that it’s time (and this picture is ten days old). You might note from the picture why yesterday when Frederick was out playing in the snow being all boy, I stood inside and lamented the fact that I was too disabled to play with him. I have had a lot of sympathy for disabled people these days. I have been able to walk, don’t get me wrong. In fact, I was walking on a steep mountain road until the snow came. I just can’t juggle snow, ice, and my new center of gravity. Many days I’ve wondered if I would ever be the same again. I suppose it’s that same faith I’m clinging to today that led me to order an attachment for a jogging stroller so that I can put a newborn baby bucket in it and become myself again. That will be one of the visions I go in with this morning.
Thank you for all of your well-wishes.
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@ Amazon.
