The way I figure it is that God made babies extremely cute so that the human race might actually perpetuate itself. I'm somewhere in week 20-something or other here, laying only on my poor injured left side, tired basically all the time, and up twice a night for tasks that shouldn't be necessary. I tried a t-shirt on yesterday with a pregnancy pillow so that I could see if the t-shirt would still fit in three or four months and decided that the last thing I would be worrying about in three months is whether the t-shirt fits.
This reminds me of a winter I spent in Michigan where I had the terrible realization in January that winter was half over at best. Here in California it is half over too in January, but we have about a month left at that point. "It's half over and I still have three more months?" I said to myself about the Michigan winter. I said something similar to myself just recently. I am somewhat torn, however, because there are some work projects I want to complete before this baby is using his or her own lungs instead of mine. I suppose I should make this book available too at some point before these children are in college.
In the meantime, I thought I'd post a bit about how I am surviving. First, a caveat: many days I am not entirely sure that I am surviving, so take this advice for what it's worth. I have done much better than in my previous pregnancy. I have been able to work in the yard fairly consistently, though I do need to rest much more than ever. I have not had a down cycle, though I am sure my family would report that I've had my moments.
A big part of our survival is "This List." It has provided a perspective for us here. It is most certainly centered around me but I make no apologies for it. No one in the household seems to dispute the list since they know how bad things can get. The list comes from a note to pregnant women closer to forty than twenty. My husband agreed to it well over a year ago:
Future Baby Agreement
1) If I say I need something, the correct response is:
"I will figure out how to make that happen."
The incorrect responses are
"Are you sure?" or
"How much will that cost?"
2) Do not expect me to earn more than $XX a month (5-8 hours of work each week). I cannot be a money machine and a baby machine at the same time. If other money needs to be made, someone else needs to do it. And if my demands from item #1 on the list exceed my own earning power, that should not be my problem.
3) If we need more funds to pay for #1 on the list, reducing retirement savings is far better than me going bananas. Retirement is still decades away. The mental institution is just a few miles away.
4) If it becomes unreasonable for me to earn even $XX a month, then revert to #1 on the list.
5) Should I earn more than $XX a month, the excess will pay for additional household staff at my discretion.
6) I will not require us to move to a deserted island during my pregnancy so that you can harvest wild seafood for my dinner while I bask in the sun. Though it is my pregnancy fantasy, I won't make it a requirement under Item #1. It would, however, make a handsome holiday gift.
Of course, the list revolves around item #1 and I have only needed to use it once so far. I lost a pretty big contract and said that we could not replace it. The work that we could replace it with would not be good for me right now. We agreed fairly easily. It is a lot easier to live on a budget than to live with depression.
Some other rules of thumb for survival after the jump:
Do nothing that's not necessary
It's difficult to emphasize how precisely I am using the word "nothing" here, but on many days I really do nothing at all that is not necessary. I shower and I try to work for about three hours each day. I eat. Beyond that, I have learned all of the games I can play with my son while lying on the couch. Saving my energy appears to be critical, so I save it.
Sleep is everything
I can probably get by with one night of just a few hours of sleep, but I cannot get by with two. If one night is bad I have no assurances that the next night won't be, so I treat every night like sleep is the most important thing in the world. It probably is.
I am beginning to learn to nap again, a skill that will be useful at the end of this march.
Determine what you are deficient in
I wrote about this issue a few months ago: depression is complicated. Fish oil will not be a cure-all if you continue to live in a stressful home or work situation. For me, some of the key issues have been separating my work time from the rest of my time. I wrote that I would "work hard when I do work." The idea was that work was always on my mind and I never got a break from it. I had the great idea that I needed to rent a cabin on the coast to "get away" and get some fresh air. The locals here laughed at me because here in the Sequoia National Forest, people vacation here to do just that. I decided to get a little bit of vacation in every day. I have done a decent job at separately work from life since the pregnancy started and I think it has helped a great deal. I also vowed to stay out of politics and I have certainly cut way back. Read the post and think about what you're deficient in.
Focus your brain on something healthy
I've made a big discovery about myself in this pregnancy: If I can focus my brain on the right task, my brain seems more likely to stay healthy. Our for-pay work has been conducting custom research projects for social service agencies. It's good work and pays well but it can have some political elements that have not been working well for me. Almost a year ago, I developed a concept to productize some of my work for educational agencies and offer it at market-disrupting prices to California public schools. Our business is 4point0schools.com. So far I do all of the product development which primarily requires a lot of programming. I spend most of my time as a code monkey but I get great satisfaction solving some of the problems I come across. The line of "blood pressure reduction graphics packages" for instance requires that I create a graph concept and then write a program so that the particular graph will look good for every school in California. Some of the problems I come across make me want to poke my eyes out, but on the whole, it's been a good process for my brain to program, hit a wall, walk away, and come to a solution while I'm gardening or getting hit by water balloons.
By the same token, we were in a restaurant and my son and I were playing "war" with a deck of cards while my husband was playing my son's game "Rush Hour Junior." He couldn't find a solution so I couldn't resist attempting it myself. It *was* a difficult puzzle even though it was intended for children and took me about five minutes to solve. I then tried another and another and said, "Is there a Senior version?" Indeed there is and I am now a proud owner. I can lay down, play the game, and keep my brain engaged.
If my brain is engaged on "Rush Hour," it cannot be anxious or stressed.
Get a bit of exercise
I am an all-or-nothing sort of person and it really makes exercise in pregnancy challenging. I can work in the garden all day long and then spend four days recovering, but I should spend an hour a day instead. I can definitely feel the difference in my body and brain on the days when I am out and able to do something even if it is very small. I am still working on finding the right level of work and duration.
Hopefully all of this taken together, plus the daily Omega-3s, vitamins, and liver tablets will help me get by. I'll post more about the supplements I am taking soon. Of course, you've heard that before (see #1 on the survival list) :)
