The line between quirky and crazy is a fine one. You hear that all the time but I am beginning to see how true it is. I stayed in Fresno with friends last week to attend the Organic Pastures press conference. I nearly missed the press conference because my friends and I were engrossed in a fascinating topic: my mental health and the fine line between quirky and crazy.
The friends are both therapists. In fact one heads the mental health department in a nearby county.
"You are much more than a diagnosis," she assured me as we laughed about some of my crazy antics.
If you have read much of this blog you probably have some sense of my "quirkiness." I expect the event in early August may be the one most worthy of a call to mental health professionals.
Of course, the big question is how much of that quirkiness is just my personality and how much of it is worthy of a diagnosis. Apparently the line can be a fine one and the key distinction is to what degree your "quirkiness" is affecting your social relationships and your ability to be a good family member and good citizen.
That question became the question of the morning as they diagnosed me.
They were particularly interested in my pace of work over the last three months. The pace apparently appears super-human. In addition to maintaining this website and meeting deadlines for other contract research, my husband and I are starting a data services business (that site is not yet fully functional) Since August, I developed the products and process and will continue to do so. My husband will manage the business and fulfill some of the orders.
They decided that I probably have "hypomania." "Hypomania" is a sort of dialed-down mania.
You have probably heard of "mania" and "manic depression," part of my pregnant and postpartum mental health experience. My best example of postpartum mania was about nine months postpartum after hitting a major down cycle, I had about two weeks where I had so much energy I started developing a plan to start a milk bank in Fresno for breast milk donations. I had funding identified and a plan to get the funding. I also called a former professor to discuss starting a software company. Of course, I worked on these two plans instead of resting and getting exercise (which would have been a good idea) and instead of doing my actual contract work.
Most of the rest of my episodes were depressive down cycles.
"The problem with hypomania," my friends described, "is that people do not want to fix it."
"Oh, so true," I said.
They challenged me to go home and rest. "If you can do that, it is probably not a clinical problem, just part of your personality."
And so I came home and rested. I didn't even post on this blog. (I could not have come up with a better excuse myself for not posting.)
It appears, then, that this hypomania thing is just part of me and something I need to be aware of.
My mom says "Hey, it's just how we are, honey. Isn't it great?"
My "manic" spells (as we call them with no diagnostic intent) are getting longer and seem to have more of a rational foundation in the past year. So as far as I am concerned, it's all good. And as I reflect back on the years before my big crash, I realize that all of the elements of madness were there, they just weren't debilitating.
I have always had certain obsessions, they just did not take over my life and cause me to be impossible to live with.
Knowing What Can Put You Over The Edge
As we talked I explained some of the things I have been doing in my life to keep me from going over the edge. How I promote this book is a good case in point. There are many books on how to promote books. I have read them but, for the most part, I will not follow them. I know that a traditional book tour intermixed with a bunch of radio spots would be too much for me. Perhaps I should write a book on how crazy people should promote books, but my plan is to do the things I enjoy that may also help promote the book.
One of these days soon we'll have a series of videos on my search for depression buster foods. The depression buster food list includes many "exotic" animals (to say the least). Because exercise and fresh air in the forest is exactly what I need, the videos will be about me trying to hunt here in the Sequoia National Forest. If you have seen me in person, you already know that I don't really have "that look." The whole idea is ridiculous, I know, and that is exactly why I am going to do it. I will get fresh air and exercise and will meet my shenanigans needs with these videos.
So my big plan is to engage in activities that will give my body what it needs while I work on the content for this website. One of my plans in this regard that is far crazier than trapping raccoons on my front deck. I told my friends and they said "That will be the sign that you have gone over the edge." I don't think so. It sounds like fun to me. (I shouldn't tease you too much, it will be at least nine months before it is on this site. And you will surely know it when you see it and you might even wonder if you should call the mental health authorities in my county.)
My friend mentioned a woman who has lived for decades with a bipolar diagnosis without medication and appears to be in great mental health. "She knows what sets her off and she avoids it."
This is really a key for the long-haul. I am currently recovering from my three month marathon and going "back to the basics" - good sleep, healthy food, and exercise. I will avoid a collapse even though I have really put myself through the wringer lately. In fact, just in the past three days of "going back to the basics," I am amazed at my quick recovery.
Every day I try to make decisions that will keep me out of situations that will trigger me. So far it is working pretty well. My last down cycle was two years ago. My last grumpy moment was last night, but that's another matter entirely.
I look everyday for opportunities for amusement. The raw milk politics issue here in California has taken an amusing turn in my opinion since it appears that Mark at Organic Pastures got himself stuck in the middle of a family feud centered in my county. I doubt that Mark thinks it's funny, but my mom and I are going to meet with some interesting characters for the scoop as part of our own entertainment. I'll keep you posted.
Comments (1)
Your friends' judgement of your "Kill it - Eat it Rule" as being quirky, bordering on insane, is simply an expression of their cultural context.
The Bunjalung, (Aboriginal people who lived in my area for 40,000 years without destroying whole populations of people, plants or animals) have three three great laws. One of which is "If you kill it, you eat it". This stopped murder because no one wanted to eat another. It also stopped viciousness and cruelty to animals.
I think your habit of creating your own culture with laws such as these is a sign of higher consciousness than the rest of your community, including your sheepy friends. Staying within the confines of psychological normalcy will continue to create a corrupt and insane culture that teaches children that pets are friends and we only eat things which we have no idea where they came from or how they lived and died.
Posted by The Nourisher | November 4, 2007 1:28 PM
Posted on November 4, 2007 13:28