Mother’s Day Makeover

So there’s this reality show called “10 Years Younger.” The concept is this: bring some frumpy housewives in for a makeover. Stick them in a glass box on the sidewalk and ask passers-by their age. Ask before and ask after the makeover.

Before the makeover the average age is typically fifty-something. Actual age is forty plus or minus three years. Give them a makeover and they suddenly look thirty. (This is based on the two episodes I saw — sorry for the lack of research but we don’t have television service.)

I saw the show back in September at a friend’s house. As I sat there watching the show looking a whole lot like a frumpy housewife, I thought “these gals are just getting cleaned up and it’s taking twenty years off of them.”

I was going through a no makeup phase at the time. About one year prior I had also stopped using shampoo. That’s a whole other story, but it really embarrassed my hairdresser sister because my hair didn’t adjust well to her coastal climate. Even if my hair looked perfectly clean (and there are ways to achieve this without shampoo), just the thought of it was too much for someone in the profession.
So there I was, no makeup, likely no shampoo, watching a show about frumpy housewives.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not much of a makeup or shampoo person, but the show inspired me nonetheless. Who needs plastic surgery, Botox, or a chemical peel when you can just go shopping. (Oh right, I don’t really care for shopping either.)

Some things take a while. This particular makeover will finally be complete sometime in the next week.

The Hair
For about the past year I’ve been growing my hair out from a very short cut and planning a whole new style. I’ve never been quite clear on what the style would be, but figure we’d decide that detail when it was relevant. (You can see why makeovers take so many months around here – it’s not my top priority.)

When my sister, Kimberly, has given me cuts, the stylists in there oogle over my hair.

“It’s virgin hair!” they say.

Yep, it’s not been colored. I don’t color my hair because I’m too cheap, my sis who will do it for charity is three hours away, I don’t want to have to keep it up, and I don’t want needless exposure to chemical products.

“I’ll do low-lights,” says Kimberly.

“What’s a low light?”

“I’ll darken parts of your hair to make the natural color pop. It will reduce the gray too.”

“Gray? Really, you know I’m not a color person.”

Lane Bryant Ladies
The hair color issue came up again yesterday. I was the only customer in Lane Bryant yesterday for a few minutes and one of the associates was trying on a “hoodie.” (For the culturally challenged, it’s basically a t-shirt with a hood.)

“You’ve got to try a hoodie,” they said, “it’s the rage.”

“Ladies, I don’t do ‘hip’ or ‘rage’ and if I go out wearing a ‘hoodie’ people will say ‘she thinks she’s hip, but look at her.’ ”

“Hun, you need an attitude adjustment. You don’t just ‘wear a hoodie,’ you’ve got to ‘wear a hoodie.’ Try it on.”

“I’ll come back next week after my hair cut.” I told them about my “makeover.”

“Are you getting color?”

“I’m too low maintenance.”

“You need low lights! That would look good. And you need to try a hoodie today. What size do you wear?”

[Discussion censored.]

I tried on a hoodie.

“You must buy a hoodie. That’s awesome.”

“Next week! Not today!”

I bought some items. They gave me some coupons to use for the hoodie.

Happy Mother’s Day
The key coordination issue in this household is, of course, who is taking care of Frederick? In desperate need of a cut, I’ve been planning on taking him to the coast with me. A complicating factor is that I need to be at a job site on both Monday and Wednesday of next week.

“You go to the coast and I’ll take care of Frederick. That’s my Mother’s Day Gift to you.”

“Mom, I’ve got to do the survey administration.”

“I did it when Frederick was a baby. I’ll do it this week too.”

It’s sure hard to turn down the best Mother’s Day gift ever.

Kimberly reported that she blocked out time for a cut and a color.

Anything can happen.

As with any good makeover, I’ll be sure to take a before picture – dirty, ill-fitting clothes, unbrushed hair, a frown on my face, and possibly even with “hat head” if I take it after working outside. I’ll use a dingy back drop.

I am quite sure that the picture will ruin my chances of ever becoming President of the United States, which is a shame since my chances were so good.

Stay tuned.

4 Responses to Mother’s Day Makeover
  1. Fun story. I’m not much of a makeup, shopping kind of a girl either but I sure could use a makeover.

  2. I’m still on the coast with my new do. I look a whole lot like myself, just cleaned up. :)
    I am not able to upload any photos and am trying to figure out how to update the blog. I’m like those monkeys with hands over the eyes, mouth, or ears. Mine are over my mouth. Except that I can post comments. OK, analogy doesn’t work at all. :)

  3. Rachael

    I wanna see a pic too. I am so going to get my hair cut this month. I think I may go butch…just for the h*ll of it. I just hit 30 and well seems like a good thing to do to freak people

  4. Hey Rachael. I actually don’t have an after picture yet. I’ve been too busy being gone and now trying to catch up. Our water heater just sprung a leak so I’m thinking there may not be a shower in the cards for the next day or two.

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