Rebuild from Depression Blog

We continued to struggle for two years seeking treatment for my mental health problem. Amino acids saved the day at first but health problems continued to plague me. Those health problems sent me to the library and eventually became the book that is still being edited but promises to be done very, very soon.

How Am I Doing?

About fifty ladies read an earlier version of the book and their main question: "How do you feel now?"

In all honesty, I feel better than I've ever felt. I did not have "mental health issues" before I became pregnant, but I can see that I handle stress and relationships much better than I have at any point in my life.

About two weeks ago I got a call from a client and there were some serious issues we needed to address - the timeline and work seemed impossible. I kept the attitude of "the question isn't 'will we be able to do it?', it is 'how are we going to create a product in this time frame?'"

My husband took Frederick on a trip for three days so that I could focus on the project. As they were leaving I said "it's one of those situations where you have to build an airplane and all you have is a cardboard box, duct tape, and a package of rubber bands."

A friend and I worked all weekend, calling back and forth on the phone until bad weather knocked my phone out for over a day. We ended up in an internet chat room plotting our strategy.

I called Sander when the phone was working and caught him while he and Frederick were watching a movie in a theater.

"We're in a movie," he whispered on his cell phone.

"I built the airplane."

At any point in my life this particular situation would have put me over the edge. I might have been able to complete the task in the past, but the emotional cost would have been enormous. I am definitely feeling better than ever.

More Babies?

The second most common question I get is "Are you going to have another baby?"

We certainly would if we were members of another generation, but time marches on for us here. We started pretty late with Frederick and five years out now is pretty darned late. I know I would have an easier pregnancy now than I did five years ago, but I doubt any pregnancy is easy when the doc has to label your chart "advanced maternal age."

For people considering another after a bad bout of depression in a previous pregnancy or birth, time is a powerful tool. Consider longer spaces between those babies so that you can rebuild your nutritional stores before they are taxed again. If you find yourself pregnant before you planned, work very hard to get all of the nutrients you can. You are both going to need them.

And try to focus on getting what you need whether it's time to yourself, time off, certain foods, or a foot rub. I did say to Sander a couple of times, "If we have another baby and I tell you I need something, I don't want you to ask 'are you sure?,' I want you to figure out how to get it."

Husbands may not take too well to such comments, but women tend not to ask for what they need. Women in martyr mode cannot turn out a whole lot of babies very well. If I do become pregnant again, I will ask for what I need.

And How's Frederick?

Frederick is a fantastic boy, but of course I am biased. Every single day with him gets easier but that is because we started with some pretty difficult days.

His feeding problems were monumental, at least that's how it felt. The problem was easily fixed once we found the right help, though it took four weeks of looking. Four weeks is a very long time when you are not able to feed your baby. Some of the breastfeeding saga is in a book excerpt posted here on the website. A couple of ladies from the La Leche League, a crackerjack consultant, and generous chiropractor saved the day.

He continued to be a very high need baby, I expect in part due to those early feeding problems and in part due to my own health status (babies are pretty wise in these ways). We worked very hard to meet his needs. At times all three adults in the household (my husband, mom, and I) were exhausted by the effort. But as I look back on those times, I do not regret the energy we spent trying to keep him focused and entertained. Today he is an extremely confident boy who knows what he wants and asks for it. He doesn't always get it. But as adults, we should all have such confidence in ourselves. I hope he is able to maintain this level of confidence.

Should Have, Could Have

Of course, there are many things I could have done differently had I the knowledge or inclination. When you struggle to function each day, there is not a lot of opportunity to do "extra." Certainly there is not much opportunity to educate yourself about your options when you are hanging by a thread.

Yes, there are many things I regret but I just don't give them a lot of thought these days. I wrote the book for myself first and I post on this website to help people cut their information costs so that they may have fewer regrets.

Happy Birthday

This year will be Frederick's first real birthday party. We've always celebrated but for the first three years we simply could not manage a party. Last year due to a glitch (which is a whole other story), the celebration was nice, but not what anyone would recognize as a party.

The party theme is "clown parade." Children will show up at an area park, create wearable crafts, and will parade through the park with noise-makers. A trumpeter in the county's symphony orchestra will lead the parade troubadour-style. Musicians on bass, viola, and bassoon will create an unlikely mini-symphony to create the ambiance for this birthday party I am calling "quirky cool." At the present time it appears that there will be more adults than children present, partly due to the popularity of the event among symphony members. And who would want to miss such an event anyway?

It has taken a while, but life around here is becoming normal. I count my blessings every day.

This blog entry is part of the May 7 Carnival of Family Life hosted at "An Island Life."