Rebuild from Depression Blog

In the book Rebuild from Depression, I highlight about seventy-five foods that I call "depression busters." These are foods high in our depression fighting nutrients and fats: B-12, B-6, folate, iron, magnesium, zinc, and Omega-3 fatty acids.

Seventy-five foods sounds like an awful lot of food, but I can assure you that some are so obscure and exotic that you have never eaten them. There are a number of foods (or perhaps a whole lot) that you would probably choose not to eat even under duress.

As a person recovering from depression, I look for opportunities to laugh everyday. Sometimes I make opportunities. This is one of those times.

Your task is to submit entries to the contest "Depression Buster: Pest or Dinner?"

Here are the rules:

• The entry must be a food of some kind, or at least theoretically digestible.
• The food must also be considered a pest, at least by you.
• You must give some reason why you think it is a depression buster and a pest (if it's not obvious).
• You must submit a picture or video clip of the food or would-be food (not pirated, please).

I have already received one entry for this contest for a hamster. I will post that entry soon so you can check out your competition. We have a number of potential foods living in our walls and under our deck that might also be depression buster foods.

A skunk scratched on our sliding glass door a few weeks ago and I ran for the camera. As I returned I thought "Are you crazy? You're going to use a camera flash at night on a skunk at your front door?"

So this contest may carry some risk. Please use your judgment.

If you have a blog, you are welcome to post your entry there and I will link to it from here.

There will be at least three winners chosen based on your comments for the most amusing entry. All winners will receive a copy of the book Rebuild from Depression and, of course, internet glory.

Deadline: Midnight March 31, PST.
Enter via email on our contact page or via a track back to this blog entry.

Enter early and often.

*****

To assist in your planning, future contests will include:

Rock Group or Depression Buster?
Rock won't be an absolute requirement, but you get the idea. There are at least three rock bands or personalities that are also depression buster foods. At least one is vegetarian.

Depression Buster or Roadkill?
Would that roadkill also qualify as a depression buster food? Anything that has run across the road or fallen off a truck would count. Start working on pictures.

For the first official contest on the Rebuild website "Pest or Dinner?," we are looking for nutrient-dense foods that are also known to be pests. The unpublished list of depression buster foods contains a number of meats that many of us would consider "exotic" at best. There are definitely some animals on the list that are nutrient dense and considered "pesky" in their live state. It's your task to nominate pests that may also be depression buster foods. See the contest rules for details.

Keep in mind, we are searching for foods high in depression-fighting nutrients and fats: Omega-3 fatty acids, B-vitamins, iron, magnesium, and zinc.

Carey nominates her hamster as a depression buster food. She writes:

I am not sure of how nutrient dense hamsters are but I do know that he is only grain fed, not grass fed. He might have some omega 3s if I added some flax seed to his food or added some cod liver oil to his water every day.

And he fits the pest category:

I know they say that pets help reduce stress, but not Hammy. We think of him more as a pest because he tends to run on his wheel all night long. Our lack of sleep may lead to more depression. However Hammy is a smart little guy and running in the wheel is just not challenging enough for him. He finds it more fun to run on top of the wheel ( like in the video attached) We find this very funny, especially since he gets going so fast he sometimes flies off the wheel onto the side of the cage. Hope you enjoy!

I did a quick internet search for the nutrient profile of a hamster and of its relatives the rat and mouse. While there are a lot of rodent studies looking at changes in rodents under different diets, it is unclear whether Hammy is a depression buster food. Certainly feeding him flax or cod liver oil would help improve his Omega-3 profile.

I asked my mom, "Mom, hamster could be a depression buster food. How would you prepare it if you had to feed the family hamster?"

She had some thoughts:

Well, it depends on whether said hamster had been your pet or not.

If a pet, you certainly wouldn't want to roast the little darling whole like a game bird.
The kids would have a fit and no one would eat.

On the other hand, how would you cook this itty bitty critter? You wouldn't want to cut it in pieces like cutting up a chicken.

OK, let's go for roast the whole hamster with poultry herbs and whole garlic cloves in the cavity, oil, salt and pepper all over the outside. This usually insures good flavor and moist meat (untried on this particular species, but be adventuresome).

Bake at 350 degrees for who knows how long?

Watch Mr Hamster closely, because he could turn into jerky quickly given his size.

Now before the kids can see it, strip the meat off the bones. Or, slice the jerky into thin strips.

Use the meat in a nice thick soup that will disguise whatever color this meat might be.

If you end up with jerky, just stick it in the kids' lunches and don't say a word.

Personally, I hope hamsters are not on the list. What will you tell the kids when they ask where Fluffy is?

Here in this house, we've challenged ourselves to eat anything that turns out to be a depression buster food. Considering the "us" includes my mom, there are other reasons she is hoping that the hamster is not a depression buster food.

Carey gets a free book for being the first out of the gate with this entry, but to determine the top three entries, I need some feedback.

How would eating a hamster help or hurt your depression?

Do you happen to have the nutrient profile of a hamster handy?

In celebration of our first ever contest here at Rebuild from Depression, my mom and I have been working diligently on this downloadable cookbook for you. The cookbook features five depression buster foods and is called "Depression Busters: Five Family Favorites."

Do not fear. Even though the current contest is called "Pest or Dinner" and we are having fun trying to figure out if particular rodents have the nutrient density to qualify as depression busters, there are no rodents in this cookbook. There is not even an organ meat. There are, in fact, even some plant-based foods, none of which are pesky. I apologize in advance if this comes as a disappointment to anyone. (We are working on the organs, however, so just sit tight and, please, send us recipes if you have some good ones.)

To access the free e-book, just click on this link. If you have subscribed to something here before, you will simply receive your download link via email. If you have not yet subscribed to any of the free resources, click on the link and you will be sent a confirmation email. Then click on that link to get your email. This is just our system's way to reduce spam. Sorry for the hassle.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the next entry in the Pest or Dinner contest.

For the first official contest on the Rebuild website "Pest or Dinner?," we are looking for nutrient-dense foods that are also known to be pests. The unpublished list of depression buster foods contains a number of meats that many of us would consider "exotic" at best. There are definitely some animals on the list that are nutrient dense and considered "pesky" in their live state. It's your task to nominate pests that may also be depression buster foods. See the contest rules for details.

Missy nominates the triops, a tadpole shrimp which has survived since the days of the dinosaur. Missy writes:

My kids have a Triops, which is a crustacean that was also around during the dinosaur days. I'm thinking that since crustaceans are a good source of Omega-3s that this would probably be a good depression buster food. We probably would need to get a few more to
make a meal out of them though.

So Missy thinks they are a nutrient dense food. A nutrient profile for a triops is not available at this time, but I am sure that it is on the top of the list at the USDA for updates to their database. In the meantime, here is a possible profile based on the profile of another crustacean.

But do they meet the pest requirement? Missy reports that they do:

Three little Triops hatched a few days after we put the eggs in the water. They swam around looking cute for a day or so, but suddenly there were two. After a while we noticed that of the the two remaining, one grew faster and bigger than the other. Then we
woke up one morning to discover that the big one had EATEN the smaller one!

Hmmmm.... Maybe I'll eat just eat it and get the whole thing over with! I could use some extra omega 3's!

Thoughts or comments anyone? Pest or Dinner?

How would you prepare this possibly nutrient-dense food?

Margaret has nominated the squirrel as both a pest and a depression buster. She writes:

As you can see below, Sadie (right) and Karina (left) have found a great depression buster food. Is it the their thoughts of being able to capture and consume a squirrel that breaks the winter depression in this household or would actually eating the lil varmint deliver the nutrients necessary to fight those winter blahs?

Squirrels can be a lot of fun to watch but also serious pests when they decide to nest in someones attic or pilfer through a beloved garden. As wild game go I know that some people do eat these creatively pesty lil creatures. Considering the fact that their own diet consists of nuts, fruits, seeds and grasses plus some will even raid the nestlings of birds and eat their eggs and babies. All those goodies!! I think they surely must be quite qualified as a depression buster food suitable for human consumption. Although,.......for myself,.......I don't think I'll be setting up any traps or looking up recipes.

Margaret's right. Squirrels are a good source of depression-fighting nutrients. They are an excellent source of B-12 and iron in particular. They are abundant in nature and could also be a good post-Apocalyptic food. (I am quite sure that our tree squirrels will survive the Apocalypse along with the carpenter ants.)

So have you ever eaten this depression buster food? What did you think?
Or is this just a pest at your house?

If you've landed in our contest from cyberspace and wonder why we are fighting depression with a squirrel dinner, read more about our contest.

Nature provides some cheap and simple ways to increase the minerals you are absorbing. Grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds contain a mineral inhibitor called phytic acid which can be reduced if you prepare your food intentionally. Soaking, fermenting, and sprouting are some of the most effective techniques.

In the case of beans, many of us soak them anyway before cooking. But you can learn more about the optimum water temperature and soaking time for beans on the article about beans and phytic acid.

For breakfast porridges like oatmeal, you can soak them in advance, quicken the cooking time, and increase the minerals you will benefit from. Read more about grains and phytic acid.

For a more general overview, read an excerpt from Rebuild from Depression on phytic acid. (Scroll down to "Phytic acid and mineral loss.")

And if you still want more, I have an ecourse on phytic acid in food. The opt in box on this page has been out of commission (which may be why I've had about 100 people view it in March with no people signing up.) It should be working now. If it's not, give me a holler. Thanks to Amylee for the heads-up.

With all of this madness on the website about eating family pets, a couple of people have sent me alternatives.

Dona writes:

The picture that is attached to this email is one of my favorite "depression busters" It is a picture of our own driveway, shortly after a quick Oklahoma thunderstorm. It reminds me not only of spring, but also of His MANY promises. I frequently post this as my desktop on my computer.

And Deb recommends the following movies for when your stuck inside and can't be a rugged woman (or man :) in the outdoors:

• The Secret
• Kinky Boots
• Chocolat

What do you recommend?

Missy, who offered up the triops as a depression buster (which has garned some interesting comments), has also suggested the pillbug for our contest Pest or Dinner?. She points out that they are also crustaceans which tend to be rich in the depression-fighting Omega-3 fatty acid.

Taking advantage of our new "Ask Mom" feature, I asked my mom for a pill bug recipe. She has obliged:

****

Hmmm, they are very small, but that doesn't mean they have no food value.

PS: This has made me wonder about those cultures that serve chocolate-covered beetles and the like. How do they get those bugs to stand still while they get covered in chocolate? The answer to this question would greatly simplify the pill bug recipe, which I think has potential.

*****

That's a good question, Mom. How exactly do the manage the insects, especially if the recipe calls for them "whole"?

They certainly are pests, but there doesn't seem to be a nutrient profile of the pillbug on the internet. Does anyone happen to have one?

And while looking for pillbug information, I found a site with great insect pictures. Check out What's That Bug?

In my search for a pillbug recipe for our contest "Pest or Dinner?" I contacted David George Gordon, author of Eat-A-Bug. Not only does he have an entry to the contest I will be posting soon, he has recommended that if we are going to eat insects to fight depression, that we look for the organic variety.

He states:

A word of caution about collecting and eating pest bugs from one's kitchen. There is always the risk of unintentionally eating minute doses of poison in the process, as man of us use some form of over-the-counter pesticide in our homes. Over time, those small doses can add up- a process known as bioaccumulation- and pose a serious health risk

And I'll add that it's not just our kitchens we should be concerned about. Be sure to harvest your pillbugs from an organic garden. Collect the carpenter ants from an organic tree or from an attic that has not been sprayed.

Our bodies use nutrients to remove toxins from our organs and tissues, so it would defeat the purpose to use pillbugs as salad toppers if those pillbugs came from a lawn or garden that is sprayed heavily with pesticides and herbicides.

I'm always on the look-out for an inexpensive nutrient-dense food to fight depression. In our Pest or Dinner? Contest we are looking for nutrient-dense foods that might also be considered pests. We've have nominations for the hamster, triops, squirrel, and pillbug. Of all four choices, the triops is the least frugal choice.

High Cost of Triops

I had no idea what it would cost to eat a triops dinner, so I asked Stuart Halliday at MyTriops. He reports that you can purchase 20 eggs for about $8. He warns:

But they need to be kept apart as they eat anything that doesn't move out of their way. (Their mouth is only 1mm wide, so it's not dangerous!)

This explains Missy's observation that they even eat one another.

That $8 worth of triops might feed my husband and I one dinner. It seems easier to buy some shrimp at Trader Joe's.

But in case you are interested in a triops dinner, my mom has provided a recipe:

Triops Du Jour

Up to this point, every crustacean I've met has been a good candidate for garlic/wine sauce. You could even pour this sauce over those Styrofoam packing noodles and most people would find it a fairly tasty dish. Tasty, not sure about nutritious!

So here are your directions.

1. Choose 3 or 4 triops that are not your family members. No pets! If they are pets, your kids could be getting therapy when they are in their late 20's to recover from this event.

2. Wash them well (the triops, that is) and cut them into long slivers.

3. Make your sauce of minced garlic and butter sautéed together. When the garlic is soft, add several splashes of white wine. Simmer for another 5 minutes.

4. Then add the triops. Toss to coat with the sauce.

5. Cook for how long? Who knows! You're going to have to experiment on this one. But, as a rule crustaceans cook in just a few minutes.

I love garlic/wine sauce, but somehow I think I would prefer the pill bugs to this dish.

Would You?

Triops expert, Stuart Halliday, however, tends to use the triops in the aquarium. I asked him:

Have you ever eaten a triops? How would you cook it?

His response:

Hello Amanda, I was seriously thinking you were winding me up. Of course I've never eaten a Triop. Why on earth would I? :-)))

So if you are looking for a frugal dinner, the best choice on the list so far is probably the squirrel, at least here at our house. The adventuresome can go for the triops. Be sure to report back. :)

In our search for depression buster foods for the Pest or Dinner? contest, bug-eating expert David George Gordon (author of The Eat-A-Bug Cookbook), provides us with a recipe for the pillbug for our pillbug entry.

I'm honored that you sought me out for advice on pillbug recipes. However, the definitive word on this topic can be traced back to Britain in 1885, where a gent named Vincent M. Holt published the now-classic "Why Not Eat Insects?"-- a small but persuasive book about the benefits of bug-eating. In it, Holt offered a wholesome recipe for a wood-louse (another name for the pillbug) white sauce:

Collect a quantity of the finest wood-lice to be found... and drop them in boiling water, which will kill them instantly but not turn them red, as might be expected. At the same time, put into a saucepan a quarter pound of fresh butter, a teaspoonful of flour, a small glass of water, a little milk, some pepper and salt, and place it on the stove. As soon as the sauce is thick, take it off and put in the wood-lice. This is an excellent sauce for fish. Try it.

This recipe also answers a question we had on the original pillbug entry: when and how do you kill them? Just "boil them alive" appears to be the answer.

I'm on the road to recovery. Thank you all for your suggestions. They have helped me survive the last week. If I did not continue to re-infect myself, I would probably be free of the rashes about now. I expect I have another week. As I continue to scratch, I thought I'd reflect on what I learned.

1. You might be tiny and you may have lost all of your leaves, but dang, you can pack a punch.

In the winter, poison oak looks like a red stick.

That's it. It's dormant and has no leaves.

You might never notice it at all if it were not for the rashes it leaves all over your body.

I went out the other day to look for my nemesis. It was no where to be seen. You hear stories of people coming down with poison oak with no known contact: mowing a lawn in the city. It makes no sense frankly and, in my case, I expect I got it on the north side of the hill on the day I wore shorts, a t-shirt, and scratched myself up something fierce on a bunch of brush.

The day after my last campaign the tiny spot appeared and I announced naively:

"One spot. I got lucky."

A week later I was at a meeting in Sacramento looking like a burn victim. My face had only a spot or two - more acne looking than second-degree-burn looking. I'm sure people thought that I was lucky my face was spared in the fire.

Spots continued to pop up for a week. Luckily, I was the only one "working" who was affected.

Watch out for little red sticks. And in the summer, their leaves are a very bad choice in hiker's toilet paper.

2. Pay attention to basic sanitation

I posted here on the blog about my poison oak problem and I realized that my own "lifestyle practices" were contributing to my problem. You see, the washing machine has been broken for about six weeks. In fact, you might have noticed that fact in my first rugged mountain woman post ("I stared at the overflowing washing machine").

So for various reasons, my stack of clean clothes is pretty small these days. To make matters worse, Sander decided he could "trick" the washer into working and washed a couple of loads of clothes. Sander's "trick" happened the day after I met my nemesis. All of those work clothes got swished around in soapy water. None of the clothes were clean.

"Heck, let's wear them anyway."

That's not always the best decision.

Every day a new itchy spot appeared until I made a fieldtrip to the Laundromat. We were away from home for four days and no new spots appeared. When we returned home I intended to change the sheets as well. Of course, I was too tired and decided it would be obsessive to change those sheets in my exhausted state.

Scratch scratch.

I've changed the sheets.

3. Even rugged women need to shop

I just don't picture "rugged" and "shopping" together. And in general, I don't like to picture "shopping" at all, for anything. Unless it's an antique, I am not interested in shopping for it.

But the whole clothes shopping issue sure can reach a crisis state when all of your clothes are infected with poison oak. I hauled all of the clothes to the Laundromat but had nothing to wear that wasn't potentially infected.

It reminded me of a story back in the 1970s from my hometown of Delano. Right across the street from the tiny Kern County Branch Library in Delano was a coin-operated Laundromat. One night a man was arrested at 3 am for indecent exposure. They found him naked in the Laundromat.

His defense? He had no change of clothes and wanted to wash them.

I thought about that as an option, but it was the middle of the day in a town about ten times the size of Delano in those days. And I don't know if I would have been arrested for indecent exposure or hauled off to the hospital as a burn victim because of the burn-like rashes.

I need a few more pieces of clothing.

4. Frugality is great, a good washing machine is better

Before this winter of washing machine problems, it has been a while since we've used a Laundromat. They have these great new inventions called "front loaders." The front window gives you a view of all of the dirt in your wash water.

I could not believe the difference in the clothes. They didn't seem dingy, not before Sander's experiment anyway. But apparently they were.

"Mom, we are getting a new washing machine. The old one hasn't worked well for a while."

"It's been so long since I've been able to use it, I don't remember how it worked. I'll take your word for it," Mom said.

So we're on the look-out for a scratch-and-dent washer. I'm probably still too cheap for a front-loader, but we'll see what we find.

5. It's what's under the rash that counts

A few days ago I was scratching around and thought,

"Dang, a muscle!"

I have inherited a whole lot of things from my parents - good, bad, everything in between. The one I am focusing on these days is the muscle. My mom is pretty solid, but my dad is in a league of his own. He was recruited into high school football when the coach saw him do 200 sit-ups in high school P.E. class. He stopped at 200 out of embarrassment. He had worked in the potato fields (and every other place my grandpa could find work) from the time he was about ten. Sit ups in P.E. class were nothing for him. But I digress.

If you look at me now, in a coffee house, with the rashes on my arms and what a polite personal trainer would call my "stored energy" covering the muscles, you probably would not notice that the muscles are well on their way. Thanks, Dad.

~~~~~

So, it's all good. The rash is on the way out. The homeopathic remedy, calendula cream, and oatmeal recommended in the previous post have made a big difference. I still wake in the middle of the night with a powerful itch, but I'll be catching up on sleep soon and might even be able to write a real research article for the website very soon. I can always hope. :)

Happy Saint Patrick's Day everyone!

We have a special entry in the depression buster contest "Pest or Dinner?" We are looking for foods high in depression-fighting nutrients that also may be considered pests. Entries must be edible or at least digestible. They also must be pests or pesky in some way.

Husbands do not count. Someone has already attempted to enter her husband. And while nearly nothing is sacred on this blog with a dead steer hanging from a truck in the Sierra Nevada Mountains and some poor souls finding this blog via a search for "halibut in white sauce" and probably not finding what they expect, I draw the line at cannibalism. No husbands, wives, or mother-in-laws.

St Patty's Day Entry

My very own mother submits the caterpillar in honor of Saint Patrick's Day. Her primary rationale is that some caterpillars are green. She writes:

Dear Mandy,

I nominate the caterpillar for the contest "Pest or Dinner." I have held back my nomination because I thought it would be a perfect dinner for St. Patrick's Day. So while you were taking Frederick to preschool, I collected caterpillars from the garden, flash boiled them, and then fried them in a tempura batter. I ate them with scalloped potatoes and green beans as you can see in the picture below.

Most insects have a high nutrient content. My guess is that caterpillar is full of depression-fighting nutrients. And some of them are actually green and make a good St Patty's Day meal. Cook them with scalloped potatoes to feel a little more Irish.

So do I win a book?

Mom

Dear Mom,

You have read the book about four times. Surely you would rather read just about anything else. But since you are my mother, I will see to it that you receive a courtesy copy.

Nice picture, by the way. Are those french fries to the right? I didn't think so.

Mandy

Pests and Dinner

Any gardener knows that caterpillars are pests when they take over the garden. Anyone who has spent time in China knows that they are also dinner. Fried caterpillar is a common appetizer in China.

To be honest, they would likely qualify as a depression-buster food. A full nutrient profile of the caterpillar is not available as far as I know, but an Ohio State website lists the iron content of caterpillar (100 grams) as nearly two times the recommended daily allowance of iron for younger (premenopausal) women. Caterpillars are an iron superfood. I must report this to the readers of the Rebuild Your Iron e-book.

Thanks, Mom, for the entry on this holiday. Green caterpillars and a whole lot of green beer may become the next new fad in Saint Patrick's Day celebrations.

As an entry in our Pest or Dinner Contest, Kathryn submits the supposedly nutrient-dense cockroach. Oh, make that a palmetto bug.

Kathryn writes:

For your dining pleasure I submit the "palmetto bug" also known as super-large, not afraid of the light and able to fly cockroaches. I believe the term "palmetto bug" was developed by a marketing team in the southern US, where palmetto bugs can commonly be found.

As a depression buster food, you could get a lot from these beasts as they can grow up to three inches in size. To prepare, refrigerate your live bugs to slow them down. I think washing them off before cooking would be a nice touch. Perhaps removing legs and antennae would also be beneficial. I would suggest dry roasting them in your oven at 200 degrees F for 1-2 hours. Season how you please.

You could then crush them and use them in any recipe that calls for nuts. (Perhaps your son would prefer them in his sandwiches?) They are quite crunchy, due to their armored shells, and might make a great snack mix as well.

I will eat almost anything that is covered in a good chocolate -- perhaps that's another avenue for introducing this valuable depression busting food (I mean pest) into your diet.

No doubt about it, these guys are a great source of crude protein, vitamins and minerals, all good for helping to bust depression. Maybe not as good as liver.

Additionally, as you know, laughter is great for busting depression. And, laugh you will, when you see me (or anyone else) jump from the floor onto the coffee table to avoid said pest (but they, can fly and that's the really funny part.)

I do not currently have a photo to submit, but will attempt to obtain one while I am perched on my coffee table. If you have a hard time locating a source of palmetto bugs, you are welcome to visit my garage.

Best wishes,
Kathryn

And Kathryn added a relevant postscript:

I do want to assure you that the palmetto bugs in my garage are free-range and are eating their traditional diet, which adds to their nutritional value as a depression busting food. I'm sure they could be considered organic as we practice "catch and release" bug control around here, although we are not a certified organic palmetto bug farm!

OK, I can't stop laughing. I try to sneak nutrients into my son's lunches all the time. I haven't tried Kathryn's idea yet.

Our friend Dick came up this weekend to take a look at our infamous washing machine, implicated in the poison oak outbreak and in the rugged mountain woman story.

While he was removing the offending do-hickey from the washer, I said,

"Dick, you're a strange guy. You need to enter the contest on my website."

I explained to him that we are searching for nutrient dense foods, packed with depression fighting nutrients such as vitamin B-12, zinc, and iron. In the case of the contest, however, the food also must be considered a pest.

Dick is an Okie from Delano, just north of Bakersfield, California. It seems impossible to outsiders that an Okie could be from the Bakersfield area and not from Oklahoma, but it actually makes perfect sense. During the Dustbowl, many people migrated from southern states to California looking for work.

Migrants from Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, Kentucky, and just about everywhere else hit by the drought, found themselves in labor camps and working in California agriculture. They were all considered "Okies" and Bakersfield became Okie headquarters. Any country music fan knows as much from the work of locals Buck Owens and Merle Haggard of what is known in country music as "Bakersfield Sound." Half of my gene pool is this kind of Okie.

And back to the story.

Dick, as a good ole Okie boy, would surely nominate a squirrel, possum, or raccoon. He might even sabotage Postmaster Dean's possible skunk entry.

Not Dick.

"I've got one for you. Fried Grasshopper. Them things taste like chips."

"Potato chips?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Back in 1958 my cousin found a can of fried grasshoppers and offered me two bits for every one I ate. I ate about ten. That was a lot of money."

(Dick actually said "25 cents" but I thought I'd take editorial license and write "two bits" since his Okie seems to be wearing off.)

"Did he pay up?"

"You bet he did. My parents were there. He had no choice."

"Did it help your depression?"

"Come on, Mandy, it's ice cream that helps your depression. I keep trying to tell you." My dad interrupted. They laughed and kept working.

So with a grasshopper nutrient profile illusive, I'll throw on the blog Dick's nomination for "Pest or Dinner." Let's make this one dedicated to good old Buck Owens who passed away one year ago this month.

David George Gordon, author of the Eat-A-Bug Cookbook, nominates the larval honey bee as a depression buster food in our contest "Pest or Dinner?".

...baby bees, which can be extracted from the honeycomb, are excellent sources of vitamins A and D. One nutritional study has confirmed that a larval honeybee contains fifteen times the recommended daily allowance of these vitamins.

Vitamins A and D are very important in optimal wellness. Low vitamin D is often associated with seasonal affective disorder (wintertime depression) because it is through sunlight that our bodies get much of their vitamin D. But the clinical trial evidence of vitamin D and depression is mixed and there really are not studies to speak of on vitamin A and depression. But even so, any nutrient you are deficient in can aggravate your depression.

So if you need some extra vitamin D coming out of this long winter or some extra vitamin A, you might consider the larval honey bee.

I've been searching for an image I can post here without success, but if you take a peek at this site, you'll see larval honeybees that look a little bit like insects sleeping in their own little sleeping bags. It reminds me a bit of church camp back in the 1970s.

I expect these larval bees are best deep fried, though you can order them in a powder form from China Bees. Put the fried bees on the list for preschool lunch as well and simply call them "chips." Tell me how it goes. :)

I am told that I use the word too much. And for the first time this week my son started using the word. "Mama, why are you ...?"

"Well, you and I can talk about it, but I don't want you to ask anyone else that question because it might hurt their feelings." The conversations proceeded, linked back to previous discussions about other physical differences, and ended with the dramatic conclusion that it's a lot worse to be boring.

But this is where I get into trouble with my use of the word.

A medical doctor called me the other day with a wake up call.

"You really exaggerate your weight in your book."

It is the job of medical professionals to hound you about your weight, so I have never had such a discussion with a medical professional. After all, I'm the one who had to have my 20 week ultrasound at 22 weeks so that the baby would be more developed when those sound waves started on their very long journey from the ultrasound device on my skin through all of my "stored energy" to the baby inside my uterus. That was the last conversation I had with a medical professional about my weight. (Well, actually, I've had quite a few since, but none so memorable.)

"Your descriptions are funny, really, but for someone who doesn't know you, they will get the wrong impression. You know, you really are not..."

She gave a slight pause.

"...fat."

Annell read the book back in the fall for the first time and mentioned something in passing about the topic. We were never able to engage in the subject, but I assumed she was going to ask when I'd lose all of the damned weight. She did not meet my expectation, apparently.

I felt very defensive. "Come on! Don't yank my chain! I am too!"

But I know what she meant.

I have what my grandpa would have called "a high class problem."

It's not a health risk really, though any doctor doing her due diligence would tell me to lose twenty or so. Some of those charts we all despise would want to cut me in half.

A high class problem
I spent the first couple of decades of my life not using the word at all. Perhaps avoiding the word and eating plastic cheese would also help avoid the problem.

Then the next couple of decades I focused on taking back the word, overusing it to blunt its impact. I didn't even flinch when my son asked me about it, nor when his friend used it to describe my backside. "No truer words have ever been spoken," was my response.

But it's a new day with a new focus. If I make that word part of my identity it does bring more importance to it as a descriptor and it makes no distinction between my case and someone with a medical problem. And frankly, if we all didn't pay so much damned attention to it, there would be fewer medical cases out there. Fellow yo-yo dieters understand what I mean.

There is actually an interesting memoir on this topic written by Richard Morris called A Life Unburdened. It makes the point that having beneficial fats and nutrients is critical to optimal health. Richard, who did have a medical problem weighing in at 400 pounds, makes the point that we try to avoid that word by avoiding food. But the irony is that our bodies hang on to its reserves if it is not getting the nutrients it needs. Richard's before and after picture are inspirational.

Rebuilding
As I rapidly approach a new decade of my life, my focus is on building. After eating non-fat bagels and plastic cheese in my 20s and then facing major depression, my focus for the last few years has been on eating actual food. What is amazing is that as I've started on my five acres of "yard work" in rugged mountain woman mode, I have put on muscle with a speed I have never witnessed. That's apparently why body builders eat all of those protein bars. The funny thing is that a steak works too.

[Warning: This entry is about grief]

When I was a young girl I used to visit Mr. Scott across the street. With each visit he would give me one of those cookie sandwiches with white icing in the middle. I scraped off the icing, placed it on my bare knee in the summer, and saved it until I finished the cookies. I still do that with dessert, it's just not usually a cookie and I don't tend to put it on my knee.

When I was about six, a neighbor visited my mother with the news that Mr. Scott died. Mr. Scott's death was my first lesson about death. I lost a grandmother about six years later, a grandpa ten years after that, as most young people do. My mom took advantage of each opportunity to teach us about life and death but, luckily, she didn't have a whole lot of opportunities.

For my son Frederick, the first death in his memory is approaching its first anniversary. Uncle Mike died just before Frederick's fourth birthday last year. For Frederick, Uncle Mike's death was the first major discussion of the life cycle. When Frederick mentions heaven, he invariably mentions Uncle Mike (and to my amusement, he often mentions Ella Fitzgerald).

Uncle Mike was ear-marked to teach Frederick Botany and they were to start this spring, around Frederick's 5th birthday. Uncle Mike taught Botany for thirty years at Delano High School, a rural school in a poor town. His students did college-level work as sophomores primarily because he never bothered to tell us it was college-level work. We thought all sophomores used the Jepson Manual to key California wildflowers.

Since Uncle Mike's death, heaven has gotten awfully crowded. Over the summer we lost Daralyn and Linda, Carla in the fall, and then in the time between the Thanksgiving season and Valentine's Day, we lost Padmini, Shirley, Mr. Stahl, Jim, Pete, and Felix. Someone close to us lost a baby we were eagerly expecting. Besides Felix (who was a centenarian), everyone died well before their time.

As a result of our friends' passing, the topic of death and dying has become quite normal these days. Our discussions have strayed into issues of the food chain and the life cycle for animals and plants. Frederick asks questions so specific that he is now charged with burying my body here on the property, wrapped in a traditional burial cloth, with a grave covered in granite stones. He plans for his preschool friends Natasha and Matthew to help with the ceremony. Of course, no adult will entertain my plan primarily because it's illegal and sounds a little crazy (particularly when I add a discussion about the link between my funeral plan and keeping the soil fertile). But Frederick is game.

We sent out annual holiday newsletters three months late and, for the first time, had to edit about 10% of our addresses. Heaven doesn't get the U.S. Mail and, as my mom taught me, folks up there stay on top of our news anyway.

This year also brought the first time I've had two funerals to attend on the same day. I managed to squeeze in a hospital visit in between. That day was way back I January and I still stay up nights staring at the ceiling. There does not seem to be an emotional economy of scale in bundling all of the deaths together.

Tonight (or this morning as it has become), I thought I would at least do something more productive than toss and turn. I could write something about wild fish or Omega-3 eggs, but it's the wildflowers that are on my mind. Spring is here to my great relief - the fresh air and sunshine have been good for me. But as healing as sun exercise can be, those wildflowers have been stealing my sleep.

The golden fiddle neck and the early popcorn flowers -- the first flowers to make a show every spring -- are in bloom in the low foothills and just starting to bloom on the property. When Sander and Frederick return from their weekend outing (the outing which was supposed to allow me time to sleep and work), we will begin to collect the wildflower specimens. I was "Botanist of the Year," after all, way back in Uncle Mike's Botany class. When I ask "who is going to teach Frederick about Botany?" the fingers point my way. This was to be our season to start and so we will.

Spring flowers provide a great opportunity to learn about the life cycle to a little boy who has become fascinated with life and death. The topic is wearing on me, but I'll do my part. I am ordering a scalpel and a magnifying glass to get started and can surely conjure up some great speeches about flowers, seeds, and decomposition.

"Mama, I'm going to be as old as Felix when I go to heaven."

"From your lips to God's ears, honey."

When you are writing a book about health you are sometimes convicted by your own behaviors. It's a bad idea to drink alcohol when you struggle with depression or even when you've had depression in your past. It's a depressive drug. Most of us probably know that.

If you don't think about it a whole lot, you can just kind of cover your ears and say "la la la la" if the topic ever comes up over your beer.

But a few events have collided, inspired this blog post, and finally got me to write the inset article about alcohol for the book.

My son has gotten into "stories" in the past year. As we drive the long hour or two to civilization weekly, I always hear "Mama, tell me a story." I am pretty long on stories, but even I get bored with the exchange on occasion. I decided to practice speaking techniques in the context of specific "stories." So I have a "story" about drugs. It's an anti-drug message perfect for a young child. The story includes some great persuasive descriptions and a repetitive refrain that I deliver with great energy:

"It's easier never to start than it is to stop once you are addicted."

The speech comes packed with stories of Aunt Frances, who was given two days to live and still walked out of the hospital with her pickled liver. She would have lived, of course, had she actually stopped drinking when she returned home.

"As tough as she was, Frederick, she couldn't stop drinking once she was addicted."

We role-play refusal techniques. He claims he's "already cool" and "doesn't need a toke." (And I become acutely aware at times that I don't know slang terms for drugs. I'll have to make a few calls before I take my speech on the road.)

And so it was just a matter of time before I got the question:

"Mom, why are you drinking? It's not healthy. You need to stop."

I was careful in my speeches to discuss "too much" alcohol so that this day would not come. And yet the day is here.

The fact of the matter is that since about December I have pretty easily consumed my weight in wine quite a number of times. When the ">number of deaths in your friendship circle becomes Apocalyptic, these things tend to happen.

"Frederick, you are right. I am going to finish this glass and when you return from Magic Mountain, I will not drink anymore."

I can assure you that Frederick will not forget the promise. And because I will not sneak alcohol from anyone, that makes tonight the end of the wine.

In honor of the end, I finally wrote the inset article for the book. It's amusing in this context that I put it off for so long. And as it turns out, it is a probably a bit of a softball treatment of the issue in the context of depression, but it was the best I could muster given the probable state of my own B-vitamins today:

Alcohol and Depression Alcohol is not only a depressive drug, but it actually depletes your body of depression-fighting nutrients. B-vitamins in particular are lost as you drink. Studies in humans of blood levels of folate show that hours after a drink, our blood levels of folate fall (Stowell 2000). Folate is difficult enough to get in our diets, it seems like a good idea to take it easy on the drinks.

I will have my last glass in about an hour. A plate of liver tomorrow, packed with folate, will be the beginning of my penance.

[Note: I light of some reflective blog posts on grief, penance, and more penance, I need you to submit more entries to our Pest or Dinner? contest. Besides, you are running out of time. The deadline is Saturday.]

Last weekend Sander and I attended the St. Patrick's Day Dinner hosted by the Hot Springs Capineros. You never know who you're going to meet at these cozy community dinners. Last week we met Char.

Char overheard me talking to Postmaster Dean. I was discussing his possible entry of a "skunk" in the "Pest or Dinner?" contest.

"Is she serious?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Dean replied.

We squeezed in between them and ate sauerkraut as we discussed hunting, jury duty, and fibromyalgia. The hunting was a much more likely topic of discussion than was fibromyalgia, up here on the edge of the Sequoia National Forest. Char was quite conversant and it turns out she's a moderator on this fibromyalgia website.

Pest

But the conversation meandered and we found ourselves back on the topic of hunting.

"I have a bear on the property that is driving me crazy!"

"Char! That's it! That's your pest entry!" and I began to take dictations.

"The bear is definitely a pest. It drags the garbage around and poops in the yard."

Char described the bear as reddish, 350 pounds, and six years old. Apparently, someone is a bear expert because I wouldn't be able to begin determining the age of a bear. Perhaps it has been pesky since its younger days.

"There are two black bears up there that raise hell too."

Dinner

We had already determined that her husband was a hunter, so I asked the obvious question: "Are you going to barbecue it?"

"I hadn't thought of that."

We began to map a strategy. I recommended they call Dave, a local hunter so rugged that he's in a category to himself.

I emphasized that they should call me when the hunt is on. I hear that bear tastes a lot like beef, just a bit sweeter. It is also officially on the list of depression buster foods because of its vitamin and mineral content.

As a result of the depression buster food list, it has become a little fantasy of mine that I go bear hunting in the forest one of these winters. I keep it to myself for the most part these days because last time I mentioned it, my husband Sander said "absolutely not!"

My plan is to get into a bit better shape so that I can convince Sander that I can outrun rugged man Dave. That might just do it.

I reported back in February that I acquired a steer from a local rancher ear-marked for my freezer and I hired a butcher to do my dirty work. I observed the slaughter and provided pictures. Who knew there would be a Part II to the story, but you might consider this experience if you are buying a steer and don't know what you are doing.

On Friday we picked up half of the steer to deliver to friends in southern California. This should have been easy and routine.

Let me start with a little background. Just five years ago when I was in the middle of full-scale major depression and eight months pregnant, I did not eat beef. I had not eaten beef for years "for health reasons."

Almost two years ago now we bought our first live steer to fill our freezer and when the processor called to ask about the cuts I said "I'm very sorry, but I just don't know very much about beef. Can you help me select the cuts?"

She was very polite and obliged.

We ended up with a whole lot of round steak which I do not now recommend, but the good outcome there is we have some very good round steak recipes should you find yourself in a similar position.

This time our focus in making the order was on improving the cuts.

"More ground beef" was a primary theme.

In the process of all of this instruction, we failed to say "and we're splitting the steer with friends."

And so if you are reading this and think "wow, that kind of stupid doesn't happen every day," you need to understand that we are a little behind on the learning curve.

The meat processor called Sander to ask "what do we do with this steer?"

Sander, who is a few steps behind on that same curve primarily because he had nothing to do with the prior steer said "put it in lockers."

He told me about a week later that the steer was in the locker.

I thought it odd but decided it was a detail we could deal with.

Splitting the Hard Way