Rebuild from Depression Blog

"I am a rugged mountain woman and rugged mountain women just handle these things," I declared as I stared at the overflowing washing machine.

I turned off the water to the machine, pulled the front housing off the washer, and used a screwdriver to remove the clamp on the hose. I pulled the hose off the drain and let the water run freely out of the wash house door. Most of the water landed temporarily on my sneakers before flowing down the hillside.

"Rugged mountain women do not work outside in wet sneakers." I walked inside, removed my shoes, placed them by the fire, and reported to my husband that the washer was drained and in need of repair. I worked by the fire. My shoes dried next to me and were cleaner than they had been in months.

My muscles began to speak to me because I had spent over two hours clearing brush outside. It was the first time I worked that long and hard in a very long time. Rugged mountain women do not usually take such a long hiatus but when they do, they bounce back quickly.

I would work the next day on the brush project as well and wipe away the tears anticipating two funerals the following day with a visit in between to the hospital to say goodbye to a dying friend. It has been a month of funerals.

There does not appear to be an emotional economy of scale in clustering five funerals in a six week period of time.

There really was no better time than now to come out of my long slumber and live the rugged life my body was made to handle. My body is strong and builds muscle very quickly. I can thank my football player father for this quality, a quality I did not appreciate until many years into my life.

Back from the hiatus

In the long nights of winter here in California Hot Springs, without television service and without central heat, we have been sitting around the fire waxing philosophical. The topic of late is the movie "The Secret" and the general philosophy of "The Law of Attraction." My mom studies scripture as is evident from her website Pray the Scriptures. In fact, one soon to be launched CD is "Prayer Affirmations for the Journey," a collection of scripture-based affirmations. Sander and I quiz her about the Christian interpretation of this-or-that as we watch the movie.

After about the third time through the movie, I paused the movie and said "for well over a year I have been focused on trying to lose weight. I obsess over fat." The premise of The Secret is that we attract what we are focused on. So as I obsess over fat, I attract fat.

Sander said "just picture yourself thin."

"It won't work. When my mind is picturing myself thin, my obsessive side will remember the fat. I can't think thin without thinking fat."

"Oh come on, just picture yourself thin. You can do it."

A few curse words formed in my brain even if they did not make it past my tonsils. I am sure my looks, if not words, conveyed my disgust at a man who could be a garbage disposal and maintain his weight.

"I have to focus on the good part of what I am and what I know to be true. Otherwise, my mind will drift to unwanted territories."

I thought for a moment and I announced "I am a rugged mountain woman."

Rugged Mountain Women

Rugged mountain women do not weigh themselves. They do not worry about their weight.

In my first day in full cognition of my rugged nature, I decided that it was time to clear the north side of the hill of brush. The hill is steep and hard to work, but a fire on that side of the house is the biggest natural disaster threat to the property. Rugged mountain women take these matters into their own hands.

Before heading out to work, I decided I should eat a quick lunch before starting the work and wondered what rugged mountain women eat. "They probably do not worry as much about carbs as you have worried in the past. Go see what's in the kitchen."

I could not imagine what I would eat for lunch since I had nothing prepared and do not keep convenience food around. As I opened the kitchen door, Sander was helping himself to a hot pizza. "I have manifested a pizza!" I proclaimed, using the vocabulary of The Law of Attraction.

I sat in the sun eating my pizza and used the pizza's energy to prune a lot of bushes and move a whole lot of brush.

Better than therapy?

The last funeral in this current funeral blast is this coming Saturday, two weeks after the funeral marathon day. I was able to say goodbye to Felix, in between those two funerals. He was cognizant and could speak. And he would have known we were there anyway, somewhere inside.

With the stress of the funeral marathon and the goodbyes, I got sick. A few days later, Frederick got an ear infection. We spent an entire week being sick and many days before being unable to focus. I have wondered what is wrong with me. I usually get more work done.

As I struggled to work today, I sat at my computer and looked out the window. It was a warm, sunny winter day. I put on my work clothes and moved some more brush. "Rugged mountain women get plenty of sunshine and fresh air when they have been sick." I pruned brush and moved firewood.

"Mom, this fresh air and sunshine are really helping me from sliding into the abyss."

"Mandy, why do you think I spent years cutting the terraces and road all by myself, with only a small shovel?"

Thank you dad for the muscles. Thank you mom for the rugged.

Part II in the Rambling Raw Milk Series

Read Part I: Crime Scene Photos

My visit to the one-room school house here in California Hot Springs led to some critical information about the raw milk billboard crime.

Sheriff Deputy Scott was at the school that day to help celebrate his daughter's birthday (with four large pizzas).

I helped myself to a piece of pizza and said "Scott, let's talk about that Pixley crime involving the Milk is Milk billboard."

"What?"

"Scott, this crime was reported to the Pixley Police Department, haven't you heard about it?"

"Mandy, there is no Police Department in Pixley," Scott responded, using my name from my younger years.

"But surely it's been reported somewhere," I added.

"Well, let me make a call and find out."

Scott called the ladies who input the Sheriff's Department reports. Neither remembered such a report.

"You know, it was some sort of billboard just south of town."

Neither even seemed to remember the billboard.

He called the deputy assigned to the area.

"What?" the deputy asked.

I wondered if people in Pixley even knew about the billboard, much less the crime. So I asked Sander to interview some staff at Pixley School. In his sample of two, one had never noticed the billboard in any form. The other saw it but had no idea why it would be tagged with the word "raw."

A third person, a traveler through Central California, noticed the billboard and thought it was an advertisement for raw milk. She had heard of raw milk before.

So few locals noticed the tagging which explains why it took nearly a month for the Milk is Milk Campaign to hear about the tagging. Even after they heard about it, the billboard remained as-is for another two weeks.

Outside of Tulare County, interest in the billboard include Richard Morris at Bread and Money (who calls the Milk is Milk campaign "political astroturfing" -- a fake grass-roots movement), about five hundred people who have seen my rambling series, and the Milk is Milk campaign itself.

Graffiti is Covered

About two weeks ago now, one week before 100,000 farmers would gather at the World Ag Expo in Tulare, the billboard was painted black. The original Milk is Milk vinyl sign is still there, it is just covered in black paint. You can see the seams from the original sign if you drive up to the billboard and look (that is, if you have too much time on your hands and are apparently the only person in the county interested in the billboard).

I saw the black billboard and thought "This billboard is screaming to be tagged." I wondered if it would be tagged again before the World Ag Expo. It would have been quite the discussion in the dairy pavilion there, had anyone actually noticed it. But the farm show (as the locals call it), has come and gone.

Current Status of the Investigation

I asked Scott what was to come of the billboard investigation. He looked at me like I was nuts. "There is no report."

"Scott, can I report the crime? Sander is a key timeline witness after all."

"Do you have some standing in the crime?"

"Yes, it brings people to my website."

"You'll get more people to your website if you post that steer slaughter picture on rotten.com." Editor's note: do not visit rotten.com unless you are interested in seeing human versions of those steer pictures.

Naptime

So, it's hard to write about nothing, even though I've managed to fill up Parts I and II of this story with absolutely nothing.

There are rumors of a billboard tagging confession. If a confession materializes, I'll report back. When the billboard gets replaced with an ad for a gentleman's club, I'll report back.

Until then, enjoy a cold glass of milk, raw or pasteurized. ;)

Monday morning a week or so ago marked butcher day. I left home early and drove about two miles to meet up with Dan and Ted.

Dan's family has been in this area for over a century. His family owns a lot of grazing land in the area which he leases to area ranchers. Dan's land is particularly good for grazing because he has water rights to the area creeks and diverts the water to his pastures so that his land is green when everybody else's land is tan or brown. He owns a few head of cattle and calls me when he has an extra. I purchased a steer from Dan to help stock our freezer.

Ted was already there when I arrived on Monday, driving his white truck with the license plate "dead cow," towing a trailer with the beef industry bumper sticker.

Ted is a freelance butcher who slaughters two to three animals a day.

I hired Ted to slaughter the steer and deliver it to the meat locker for processing.

I have spent a lot of money in gym memberships over the years. (And, yes, I know, it is a little bit difficult to see that at this point in my life.) The day before I found out I was pregnant with Frederick, I leg-pressed 325 pounds. I expect I am good for two full sets of 500 should I work up to it and should I ever have access to a gym again.

Gym access is a big deal when you live in the wilderness. We are nearly a full hour from a regular grocery store, to give you some perspective.

But then again, when you live in the wilderness, you really don't need a gym. This is my recent discovery.

In the past three weeks I have worked on one small part of our property clearing brush. If you have undeveloped land that has not been grazed and you find parts are filled with so much brush from downed limbs and dead bushes that you cannot walk, you will have a mental picture of this area.

For three days only I spent about two hours with a hand saw and pruners working on that area. I created such a mountain of brush that I started to picture "burn day" in my mind as I was going to sleep. The bonfire would turn to ash all of the evidence of that six or seven hours of work.

With a small amount of February rain, the San Joaquin Valley Air Pollution Control District finally allowed me some satisfaction. After spending three long days at the World Ag Expo, I decided to shock my travel-weary body into a long work day.

My mom and I had the fire started by 9:30. I hauled the brush in as she monitored the fire.

"You did all of this in six hours?"

"And did you know I can leg press 325 pounds?"

We marveled at our progress and discussed the huge amount of clearing to be done on the property. The work is surely good for at least 175,000 calories (if I were counting) and a whole lot of core muscle development.

Question: Hey Jeanie, do you have a great dish for company? I've got some friends coming over and would like to serve them a home-cooked meal, but I've also got to work all day.

Answer: This meal has pulled it out of the bag for us a number of times. We've even served it for Christmas. It's a variant of a North African dish called "Moroccan Beef."

Most of the meats I've encountered from North Africa are cooked long and slow. They are not cooked in what we would recognize as a slow-cooker, however. The following recipe is my slow-cooker adaptation of a most tasty dish. I've tried it with a number of roasts and steak cuts, including tenderized round steak. Seems you just can't miss on this one.

1. If your meat is not already in pieces as stew meat would be, then cut your meat into serving-sized pieces.

2. For each pound of beef peel and grate one large onion. The onion not only adds flavor, but also thickens the broth because it is grated so finely.

3. Place the grated onion in a bowl with

½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon ground ginger
½ teaspoon saffron threads

4. Mix the seasonings and onion thoroughly.

5. Toss the onion mixture with the meat in the slow cooker.

6. Add one cinnamon stick.

7. Dot the top of the mixture with butter, about three tablespoons.

8. Pour in about 2 cups of water and cover with one bunch of cilantro, spread over the top.

9. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours depending on how much meat you have in the pot. Six hours is adequate for a pound.

10. For each additional pound duplicate the amount of seasonings listed here. You don't want to skimp. The succulence of this dish has been a winner with everyone to whom we have fed it.

11. In the last hour of cooking add some dried prunes to the pot, about 6 prunes per pound of meat. This may sound strange if you grew up on pizza, but the end result is splendidly flavorful.

12. When ready to serve, lift off the cilantro and discard. Place the pieces of meat on your favorite serving platter and sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds.

13. A nice menu to accompany this meat is a large green salad with vinaigrette dressing and steaming hot quinoa. Check out my tips on selecting salad greens, handling greens, and making your salad dressing. You will also absorb more minerals from the quinoa if you soak it in advance (read the technique here).

What we have here is company fare with little work on the part of the cook. Enjoy and rake in the compliments!

About 25 years ago on one of my mom's late 30-something birthdays, she asked for a cement mixer. My dad obliged.

On the day of her birthday, he happened to be at the barber shop to get his haircut and happened to mention "today is Jeanie's birthday."

"What did you get her?"

"A cement mixer," he said.

"Bhahahahaha. Really, Dwaine, what did you get her?"

I went to Trader Joe's the other day and the free sample guy Bryan said "Hey, the depression book lady! You know, that stuff really works."

He went on to say that since we spoke last a few months ago he started taking an Omega-3 and a B-vitamin supplement religiously and has gotten mood relief.

Bryan started taking these supplements even without blood work because of the evidence for their effectiveness in alleviating depression. First, most of us do not get enough of these nutrients and fats in our diet and just adding them will give us a better sense of wellness. Second, in clinical trials participants tend to have improved moods while taking them. The clinical trials often do not even test to see if the participants are deficient. And frankly, most of them would be.

Unless you have made a concerted effort, the smart money is that you have not consumed enough Omega-3s or folate, perhaps for your entire life.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression, read Chapter 8: The Usual Suspects.

This chapter describes the importance of Omega-3 fatty acids and B-vitamins. This version of the manuscript is not final in content and has not been edited since my last round of revisions, so pardon the typos. They are all mine and I apologize in advance.

Finding Omega-3 supplements

The book excerpts do not include the Appendix which will have recommendations on supplements. You can easily access Omega-3 fatty acid and B-vitamin supplements. I am looking for the best supplements to offer on the website, but one simple solution is to walk into your local independent health food store and ask for their best supplement. My preferred cod liver oil is from Nordic Naturals. The best price right now is at www.vitacost.com. I have purchased the 16 oz liquid form because that is the best value. If the thought of cod liver oil or fish oil makes you gag, look for a gel cap form.

Dr Andrew Stoll recommends about 4 grams of EPA for depression. That is a lot of supplementation, so even if you take half that amount, you'll want to shop the price. Look at the label on the back of the supplement for the amount of EPA. Most will be in milligrams. One thousand milligrams equals one gram. You'll see that it takes a lot of cod liver oil to reach four grams of EPA.

Finding B-vitamin supplements

Brewer's Yeast enriched with B-vitamins is a very good B-vitamin supplement. I used to take a tablet form from GNC that worked well. A cheaper form is powder that you mix with water, available at any health food store. If you take the powdered approach, get the "de-bittered" variety. Ask at your independent health food store for Brewer's Yeast and, if it's powdered, ask if they've tasted it. You might take about double the recommended levels for a couple of weeks. If you find yourself reorganizing the cupboards at midnight, you've taken too much. Brewer's Yeast can give you some energy, but you need your sleep more than your cupboards need reorganizing.

Alternatively ask someone at your local independent health food store for their recommendation on a B-complex vitamin for you.

B-vitamins and liver

Those who know me well know that my favorite B-vitamin supplement is actually liver. I mentioned the Brewer's Yeast above because that is the most palatable choice for most people. Another path to B-vitamins is through eating liver. Yes, I mean the internal organ of an animal. When I eat liver about three times a week, I have a great boost of energy, I am able to handle stress, and the many life stresses do not upset me as much as they normally would. If I haven't disgusted you with this, liver is another strategy for you.

Nothing is easy if you are struggling with depression

There may be no supplement on the planet that can turn your life around in a few days if you are at the bottom of a bad cycle.

If you are able to begin to take a B-vitamin an Omega-3 fatty acid supplement, do that today. The B-vitamins may only take a week to show an effect, but nutritional therapies in general may take weeks or months. It is a long-term strategy. And on bad days you'll forget to take the supplements. That's OK. Take them when you remember. Over time, your down cycles should be shorter and less bad. The time between these down cycles will be longer. That's progress. I am hoping for many good days for you.

Tell a friend

If you have a friend who needs this information, send them this entry. At the bottom of the page for this post, you will see an option to "share with a friend." Send this to them today. It's a good day to get started.

Being rugged in mind is great. I have been working on outside projects more than ever. I will not be intimidated by any project. I've started on a few minor construction projects and have learned to use three power tools (the chainsaw, an electric drill, and a circular saw). In just a month, I am more limber and I have more energy.

However, I have a little problem.

It started as one small spot on my left forearm and, as these things happen, spots have turned into regions. My arms and legs look like they have second degree burns.

Poison oak is native to California Hot Springs and, in the winter, it is dormant. You know it only by its small red stick-like shape and by the spots that appear all over your body from its oils. The stick might scratch you and leave its oil behind. You touch the oil on your skin or on the stick and then you scratch your head. You scratch your neck. Give it a few days and a mosaic of red spots appear wherever you scratched.

If you burned the poison oak in a controlled burn and breath the smoke, you can damage your lungs. Poison oak can affect you all over. It is a really bad choice in toilet paper. Luckily, I'm not so rugged: I used the indoor facilities.

And here's my point: I've got it bad.

I thought it was a mild case back when the first spot appeared. The first spot is now a three-inch circle. All of my limbs, my chest, and my neck are affected.

Does anyone have a good home remedy?

It is affecting my sleep.

I have to sit through a five hour meeting in Sacramento Friday. Any suggestions for not looking like I have ants in my pants?

I asked the ladies at The Rabbit Foot in Pine Flat for a remedy and they said

"Stay away from it."

"Wear long sleeves."

Thank you. I have learned those lessons.

I read in a Google search that a bleach solution is effective. I am not that desperate.

I tried an oatmeal bath and it did work for a while. It won't be an option in Sacramento.

Should I break down and get a prescription for a steroid cream? I will be in civilization on the way to Sacramento and could actually get it filled. I estimate that I have about a week left of a whole lot of scratching.